Happy Sunday, Happy Summer

6/28/26

Plans for the week

Patreon   Yoga tier – a fresh yoga class (new yoga journey soon!) Esoteric tier – Tarot deep dive into the major arcana (it’s a big talk, so I’m thinking of doing it in two parts) And a somatic sensuality tutorial

YouTube   Gentle yoga flow for unwinding | full body stretch with strap

https://youtu.be/tBOX9WqZA3o

Happy Sunday!!

I hope that you did something special for the summer solstice and that your week was swell! I had a nice week and set some new intentions for myself. I did a tarot reading inquiring into the second half of the year and received a rather harsh layout. The gist, though, is that it’s time for me to let go of emotional baggage and live in gratitude. That nothing changes if nothing changes, and it’s time for me to do something about my melancholy.

My depression has more to do with my relationship with myself and my family. For most of my life, even in the bad times, I’ve had this hope and belief that I can do anything. Lately, with the rift in so many relationships, I’ve begun to doubt myself for the first time. I keep trying to make so many things work and failing. Failing at the plant nursery I tried to start, failing at my personal relationships, and not able to grow online as I’d like. It feels like I can’t even hope or try anymore because it’s clear that I must be the problem, and that I am not worthy on some level.

I really hate feeling this way and realize that it’s not going to change unless I change my thinking. I’ve gone down the rabbit hole of reality shifting and trying to see myself where I want to be. Just another dead end, because I’m not actually able to believe in my heart of hearts that I could be that person. I need to find my way back to hope — to believe that anything is possible. I need to stop thinking I am a failure or a fraud. I need to be able to believe in myself even if no one else does.

So I took my own advice and wrote down all that I am unsatisfied with and what the remedy could look like. I am unsatisfied with my shitty mood. I am unsatisfied not feeling grateful when I have so much. I am unsatisfied that I can’t be overjoyed with the people I do help and inspire, and that it never feels like enough. That I don’t smile and laugh as much as I used to. That I am afraid to fail or that I have it all wrong. That my relationship with my higher power feels so far away.

As I write the list, it becomes apparent that my view — my way of thinking about my reality — is the problem. Somewhere along the way, a little bit of a victim mentality slipped in. Which is both good and bad, because at least now I’m aware of how much suffering I’m causing by my thinking. Now that I know, I can work toward changing it.

So, how can I feel more grateful? Gratitude lists every day. Notice when I’m being a martyr and stop those thoughts in their tracks. How can I feel more connected to life, like I belong and am successful? Read inspiring texts and journal out my feelings. Bring in all the tools that get put on the back burner, like meditation and breathwork. Remember that I have all the tools I need if I just put them to use.

Then, figure out what needs to go in order for me to have time to rewire and get back on track emotionally. I’ve quit so many vices and I’m super proud and don’t regret it at all. It’s just interesting what wants to surface now that there is no escape. To make it so far just to stumble on the dark night of the soul kind of stuff feels like a bummer. However, I have my plan now and take full responsibility for my mental nonsense, and will be carving out the time and rearranging energy so that I can move through this and come out changed and who I really want to be.

Less screen time, more reading, journaling, and meditating feels like it should do the trick. It’s amazing how such complicated feelings usually have such simple remedies. :)

Student Questions for the Week

1) Did you ever feel resistance to becoming a teacher…   No resistance lol — that came later. Like, what the heck did I get myself into? I felt good at teaching and still do. I feel a creative flow to it all. It comes easy and I love making classes and teaching. The online thing has been another story, but overall it has caused me to grow and develop my skills and who I am so much. I just like to put it all out there with the vulnerability stuff. I find that the most inspiring thing people can be is true to themselves. Knowing your faults and using them as strengths. Knowing your strengths but still able to grow and learn more. Being human is vulnerable — it’s best to just own it. No one is going to say anything about me that I haven’t questioned myself already.

2) How do you handle social environments now where alcohol is the centerpiece?   I don’t seek out alcohol parties or bars, but I don’t avoid them either. It’s been so long since I drank that I don’t think much about it, even if others are drinking around me. With that being said, I still wouldn’t start spending a lot of time in those situations mainly because they don’t resonate with me or I with them usually. But a family function here and there — sure, whatever lol.

3) If our brains can effortlessly script an entire movie every night…   I believe everyone is creative, but what stops us from being so in waking life is our own beliefs and judgments. I see most people stop before they even begin — saying things like “I’m not creative,” judging themselves against others’ creative abilities. What stops us is us. Overthinking, rigidity about what creativity is, and fear of what others will think. I also think most of these creative blocks happen very early on when we are kids.

Well, that wraps it up. I hope you have a beautifully blessed week!

Nikki