Finding your sparkle in the Magical & Diving into Authenticity

Questions answered for this week-

1) I feel blah about life. How do you recommend getting my sparkle back? I eat well and exercise, there just seems to be no joy? I recommend bringing the magic back in. Think when we were young and the whole world had a beautiful mysterious quality to it, perhaps even a lot of boredom before the screens existed, at least in my time. The world was full of imagination and dreams. Since I have quit smoking weed, a big part of wanting to quit was to be able to remember my dreams. Because there is a special energy that runs with dreams, sometimes terrifying, sometimes magical, really there is no end in what the dreamscape might hold. I have found it to be a wonderful source of inspiration. Plus by bringing in the magical quality of dreams to ordinary waking life you will find synchronicities begin to pop up all around you. Everyone dreams and as long as substances are not getting in the way. You can easily teach yourself to remember your dreams through intention. If you feel blah about life, call in those dreams and instead of just brushing them off,  consciously bring that energy into your waking life. Look for signs and synchronicities to help steer your path towards something that will fill your soul with magic. Keep a dream journal or sketch book and pay special attention to the energy coming through. We spend so much time asleep and dreaming it seems a waste to discard such energy boosts or creative journeys, and it’s free. It’s not hard to let those energies bleed into waking life and boost you out of the dull drums you may be feeling.  How to remember-  Think multiple times a day about remembering them, keep a dream journal and write something each morning even if you don’t remember. There are lots of little tricks, but the main idea is belief that you do dream and the intention that you will remember.

2) What beliefs did you inherit that weren’t spoken directly, but were taught through stress, silence, and behavior?

Conditional love- That I would be loved and taken care of and safe if I acted like a good girl. Since I am very good at reading people, I was pretty good at never annoying people or acting in a way that would disturb others. I have always been a little envious of people who seem to give zero fucks. I act much more authentically now, but still care deeply about the well-being of others and really hate making waves. Which is good too, just not at the expense of my boundaries or well-being.

What it means to be a woman- for better or worse. I have definitely had to undo some deep unconditioning around this one. I’m not fragile, no prince is coming to save me, thanks Disney lol, and my worth is not dependent on having children, and I don’t need a man to help make my decisions for me when I am in a relationship.

That everything is running out or scarcity- Never enough, food, money, and love, any good feeling, so whenever those things come into my life, I have wanted to desperately cling to them no matter the cost through addictions, toxic relationships, hoarding, and worthless jobs.

3) Hello, Nicole. I’m a naturally skeptical person, not pessimistic to a fault, but just careful in a world full of bullshitters. The world shows you what it is and what it isn't. When I stop saying negative things out loud, am I actually improving my mindset, or am I just polishing a mask? How can you change your inner narrative without gaslighting yourself, while still keeping a realistic skepticism about people and the world? 

First, the world shows you what you think it is. Second, by changing the inner narrative, because saying things aloud is just one part. You have to quit allowing yourself to say them in your inner dialogue with dedicated practice. Otherwise, you are right, you are just pretending. If you want to stay skeptical of everything, then you will continue getting proof in your outer world of your beliefs. So, if you believe the world is a distrustful place, you will only get more evidence of that. If you believe the world is a safe place, you will start to see life differently.  Let's also remember that life is everything, and you can’t get rid of the good and bad, dark and light, evil and virtuous. They are all one and dependent on the other; that is life, one whole with many different spectrums being played out. What I suggest is that you see yourself as the gamer and not the game. Pay attention, and call in more of what you want to see because both are available to you. You want more money,  start seeing money as good and flowing into your life. You want a world that you can trust, so stop imagining that everyone is out to get you and imagine they are here to help you.  I’m not saying that nothing bad will ever happen, but as the person playing the game, you will always get more of whatever you pay attention to. So what do you really want?  This is practice that you have to put into play and experience for yourself. At first, it may feel like an act, but once you see the power you actually hold about what is unfolding around you, then the magic really starts to happen. Practice, Practice, Practice. A big practice for me is believing the universe is working in my favor and not punishing me. So even when things feel like they are going wrong, I continually affirm to myself that it is for my benefit, even if I can’t see how right now. Things become clear over time, and I don’t have to be a martyr. I also don’t have to believe all my little thoughts on things are right. Most beliefs, like those talked about in the first question, are just conditioning, so what if you were to change the conditioning? Perspective is everything, and we all live in our own little worlds. What do you want your world to reflect to you?

4) What’s the healthiest way to hold two truths at once: “I have agency” and “the world is not fair"? Because both are true. The world is not fair and never has been and never will be that's what makes life so juicy. Blame the agency for this; we all have agency, hence the world is not fair because of what people do with their agency.  If we didn’t, we would be puppets. Agency is the miracle, do with it what you will, create heaven or hell, your choice.