Mirror of the Night - Dealing With Nightmares

If you dream fairly frequently, you will notice that sometimes you seem to be working through the problems and content of the day or even past problems. Dreams seem to have the uncanny ability to show us exactly what the problem is, even when we actively may try to dismiss it in waking life. This is neither good nor bad; it's the truth. You don’t have to have PTSD or even have to have a dream be scary to have your internal world reflected at you. For instance, turmoil in relationships is something that comes up for me on a frequent basis. If an argument or relationship feels unresolved, it is likely that my subconscious is going to try to address the issues in my dreams. The bigger the issue, the more it tries to surface. Perhaps this is why many people have turned off dreaming. They don’t like what is being shown to them about their life, and it's easier to forget their dreams when they wake up. It is an interesting thing to consider in a world that talks about waking up so often. What does that even mean? To be aware? To be present? If so, then being present with your dreams is also part of being woke. Start to reflect on your dreams, and you are going to be shown exactly what's going on internally and what you are trying to repress consciously. You can pretend to be someone all you want during the day, but who are you when the lights go out? What are you really scared of? What are you running from, angry at, desiring? These truths are an integral part of waking up, and why not use dream work as a literal mirror to get to know what's really going on under the surface? 

What could nightmares be trying to tell you? It feels like a good time to talk about PTSD nightmares that create a terrifying visceral reaction. In Robert Moss’s book, "Conscious Dreaming", he talks about nightmares being an unfinished dream. The more the dream is exited before it is allowed to finish, the more our mind continues to resort to stronger shock tactics in the dream. This does seem to ring true from a psychological perspective as well. PTSD is, at its core, an avoidance of anything that triggers memories of the event. These reactions to triggers also seem to worsen over time, the longer they go unaddressed. Avoidance of people, places, things, sounds, the list can go on and on, depending on the individual and what was labeled in need of avoidance. We are just trying to protect ourselves from uncomfortable memories and sensations that arise when we are presented with what we try to avoid. It makes perfect sense not to want to feel these things.  However, what you resist persists, and you can never outrun what wants to be acknowledged. 

Many people even start resorting to unhealthy habits like drugs to avoid these memories and feelings. A fear of sleeping could develop, or an inability to fall back asleep after a bad dream. Sleep is so important for our health, and it doesn’t take much to start feeling even worse from lack of sleep. Sometimes deep shame lingers around the trauma, making it even harder to seek help, talk about, or acknowledge. Therapy for nightmares consists of creating healthy sleep rituals, i.e., taking care of yourself- the usual stuff, diet, screen time, exercise, etc. Also, including education about why night terrors are so persistent, easing the stigma of shame through education, followed by exposure to writing about the nightmares.  Writing the nightmares down to their fullest. The success rates for getting rid of them are incredibly high when handled this way, bringing back restful sleep and peace of mind. The trigger has had a flashlight shown on it, and the power it holds is no longer there. 

In shamanic traditions, you are taught to confront your night terrors, and many times, the terrifying imagery becomes an ally guiding you in the dreamworld.  You stop running, hiding, or waking up. You confront the demon, the person chasing you, the wild animal intent on ripping your throat out.  You turn on them, standing your ground, and ask what they want. There are many recorded instances where the fear is lost almost immediately, and a realization is made. Many times, overcoming these beasts, in particular animals, is thought to be a rite of passage, and once overcome, they turn into allies protecting you in the dream realm and on future dream journeys. Sometimes the thing chasing us reveals a part of us that needs addressing. In the book Dreaming True, by Robert Moss, a man shares a dream of being terrified by a fire-breathing dragon. He had many nightmares, always waking up trembling in a cold sweat. Once he gained the courage to confront the dragon. The dragon almost shifted to appear cartoon-like, and he realized it was his addiction to smoking trying to get his attention. 

 Our nightmares come to us for many reasons: Warnings and precognitives for our health or the world, or processing to help us solve our trauma or daily problems. They can even be initiatory, taking our dreams deeper, to a shamanic level, by requiring us to pass certain tests, by overcoming our fears. So, perhaps looking at nightmares on this level, we see that they are not really trying to torture us, but help us. Sometimes just knowing that can be a great relief. You can confront what scares you, you can gain insight into the future, and you can ask for help. Many times, all we have to do is ask for help in our dreams. Teachers, guides, and friends will appear to help you on your way. Anything is possible in the dream world if we can remember to ask.  Love is the key here. When I was preparing this talk, I asked for dream guidance and had this dream-

Catching a serial killer,

My team and I think that we have found the location where a serial killer has been hiding bodies. (Finding or uncovering bodies in my dreams is related to uncovering the truth) We have been tracking this killer for a while, and it has led us to a large industrial workyard. There are pipes everywhere for water, bales of straw, and lots of crates. OSHA would not approve. We think the killer has been hiding the bodies in the water system. There are quite a few openings in the yard that access the water system. We start searching unsuccessfully at first. The serial killer shows himself and is very confident that we are not going to find anything. He is amazingly personable, and you almost want to feel sorry for him. He is also just a little too curious about watching us. Even though he is convinced that he has not made any mistakes. It seems we may be overstepping jurisdiction here, but we want justice and are convinced that there are multiple bodies here. 

My teammate puts on biohazard gear to search the waterways. It turns out the killer was a little sloppy with his last murder, and we find a hidey hole where he was keeping her. A tiny concrete room, dirty and gross, with a rusty sink with eggshells cracked in it. The killer seems more nervous that we found this room. The team and I are even more convinced that this is the place. A  discovery is finally made, one body wrapped up in straw and packaged up like a present. It is hard to tell if it is a body at all. It was found in the water system, and now we need to find the rest. We all suit up in hazard gear. It's pretty gross to consider dead bodies decomposing in the water, and we want to protect ourselves. We are having no luck when the big guns get there. FBI or some organization above us. There are tons of them, as well as a news crew. We basically get the boot as they take over. They are having no luck uncovering any more bodies. 

I have this feeling like I need to search behind the yard. My friend and I decided to go out and see what was happening behind the complex. There is a long hallway, and we can see many more openings that lead into the waterway. I just know that they are here. We begin opening them up and starting to search all the compartments. Sure enough, after opening one, we see many more packages with bodies in them. Two men appear, and at first we think that they just work here, but it turns out they are in on it. A little too late a realization for me, though, as one grabs me. I scream out, knowing that the yard is covered in cops and a news crew.

 Now we have a hostage situation where I am the hostage. The guy is completely unwell, and before everyone surrounds me, my coworker is doing a really good job at calming the guy down. She’s talking to him and telling him that she understands what he must be going through. He admits that he loved these girls before beheading them; it's all a misunderstanding. She is doing such a good job at getting the guy to calm down that the FBI lets her continue without intervening. The guy eventually lets me go and is taken into custody, and the rest of the bodies are uncovered, and all is well. 

Some time passes, and I want to visit that teammate and thank her for saving my life. She has had to change her name and retire. Since the new crew and everyone blasted her picture all over the news, she can’t work undercover anymore. She doesn’t seem concerned. Well, what did you change your name to, I ask? Love, she says. 

Now, how does this help us? Well, at first, when I asked for a dream, falling asleep, I just knew it would be scary since that is the theme. I just talked about dream themes the week prior and about how finding or hiding bodies in my dreams symbolize either covering up the truth or uncovering, depending on my role. So how appropriate to be trying to uncover bodies wrapped up like gifts in water, which can be symbolic of our emotions flowing, trapped. To have the higher-ups come and take over just to realize I needed to follow my own intuition and check out back. Then, uncovering the truth that even the most disturbed can be calmed with love. So approaching what scares us with love and patience and believing in ourselves to be able to figure out and handle anything life and our dreams throw at us. Below, I will put some questions to help you understand your nightmares better and what they may be trying to tell you. 

Nightmare Reflection Questions

Use these prompts to decode what your subconscious is trying to tell you:

• Is this a "Replay"? Does the dream mimic a real-life event or conflict? If so, write it out to its conclusion. Let your subconscious finish the processing it couldn't do in the moment.

• Are you running or hiding? What in your waking life are you currently avoiding or refusing to face?

• Is a wild animal attacking? Is there a "wild" force or talent within you that isn't being acknowledged? This creature might actually be a guide calling you to a higher level of awareness.

• Does it feel "Too Real"? If the scenario is hyper-realistic, consider if it’s a warning or a precognitive dream regarding your health or environment.

• Are you paralyzed? If you can’t scream or run, where in your daily life do you feel powerless or unheard?

Nightmares are truly blessings that can reflect so much back at us if we learn how to change our perception of them. Perception is everything, and just because something felt terrifying and out of control for no reason doesn’t mean it always has to be that way. It’s just you trying to tell you something about life, yourself, warnings, or initiations to higher levels of consciousness. 

I started my journey into dreamwork because I was tired of being terrified of my own sleep. Having found immense relief through these practices, I now offer a 4-session coaching package to help you do the same. Let’s work together to move past the nightmares and back into peace.

Nightmares to Insight in 4 Sessions

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